Are public schools a necessary evil?

Isn't that a dramatic title?

I subbed again this morning. I was an art teacher in a lower elementary school (k-3). We were working on a really fun project, aboriginal paintings. The teacher had read them a book about the art, shown examples and the kids were on their way. All I would have to do was fill paint, help them clean up, and make sure they stayed on track. While I was getting ready for class I found myself thinking things like "I love elementary schools" and "these are the times that I wish I were still working" as well as "this is going to be a really fun morning. I am sure the kids will love doing this." After all, I would be working with two 2/3 grade classes and a kindergarten class. Those kids were bound to love painting.

I then spent the whole rest of my morning thinking things like, "where did they learn that dirty word?" "why won't that kid sit still?" and "how can I ever send my sweet, innocent Luke to school?" ( I worry about Noah too-- he's just a little farther off). In my first class I sent two kids to sit in the hall and one ended up leaving for the remainder of the class to cool down and wouldn't try to start any more fights (both second graders-- second graders people that's 8 years old max). My next class was better and no one sat in the hall. I did have to threaten a little bit when I caught one little girl making sexually explicit hand gestures. I am sure that she had no idea what they meant and so I warned her to stop and she did. My next class was kindergarten which I was sure was going to be easier to keep the kids from doing or saying inappropriate things. Not so, I spent lots of time reminding the little boys that fighting, calling each other names and threatening each other was not what we do in art class. There was an aide for one of the little boys. At the end she complimented me and told me that this was a lot better than the kids usually do in art class. I'd hate to see a lot worse considering one boy hit her brand new blouse with his painted hand-- on purpose.

I do love schools, education and kids. I love the smell of books in the library and the sounds of teachers interacting with kids. I heard one teacher in a sweet conversation in the hallway with a child about her new shoes. I felt proud to be part of a profession that notices when a child gets new clothing. I love kids, especially naughty ones. I pride myself on being able to connect with the naughty ones. I believe in public schools as the one place where kids from different backgrounds come together (I recognize that they are not as different as they could be because they generally live in the same neighborhood which indicates similar socioeconomic status) and a chance to learn about people who are different from yourself. But, being a mother has changed the way I look at it. I can no longer focus on the greater good that schools are doing. Before I was a mom I had the luxury of a certain aloofness or distance. It was easier to accept the faults of the school system and see their potential. I can't maintain that emotional distance anymore. I have to look at them and think, "can I send my baby here?" I spent 90 % of my time dealing with 5% of the kids. The kids who were staying on task were cheated out of interaction with me because I had to maintain order while dealing with the kids who were off task. I would love to think that this was because I was a sub. My experience tells me otherwise. Full time teachers spend the majority of their time with the minority of the students. Can I be assured that my children are being challenged, payed attention to, and understood when there are unreasonable demands on their teachers time? Does it all come out in the wash? What about all the time that my child will spend waiting his turn? Could that be better spent? I just have this sinking feeling that our schools are failing all children. Not just the poor ones.

But I am not thrilled with any of the alternatives. Home schooling about put my mother in her grave from the pressure. Being my children's mother is already wrought with guilt about whether I am doing it right or doing enough. I don't know if I could add the guilt of being their teacher as well. Private schools seem elitist (not to mention out of the budget).

I really value the perspective that I gain being a substitute teacher. I really feel that every teacher (and maybe parent) should spend some time subbing. I see lots of different schools and approaches to education. I love and admire teachers and think that our society owes them much. They do near impossible work for very little pay. Our schools are doing a lot with a little. But, they all leave me with a lingering doubt about sending my children there.

I came home today exhausted not from dealing with the misbehaviors but from worrying about our nation's children in general and specifically my children. What's a concerned mom to do?