sometimes I feel just like Mama Bear

There is a scene in the Berenstain Bear's Blame Game where Mama is listening to her cubs argue about who started what and why. Their words are swirling around her head and the line says something like, "Mama's head was awhirl with buts, becauses, squeaky toys, and broken vases". I can relate to Mama tonight. My mind and heart are awhirl with all the things that happened today. I almost don't know how to process it all.

This was our day:
7:00 a.m. Get up and start packing lunches for the trip to Crystal Lake, try and get things together and get the kids dressed, us bathed and dressed, food, clothes, directions and toys for the trip collected and in our tiny car.
9:55 a.m. Leave for Stake Conference. We are always leaving five minutes before we are supposed to be at church. We are really trying to improve.
10:57 Leave Stake Conference early to head down to Crystal Lake for Traci's baby shower. We had to stop at home and get the rest of the directions because I only printed out the first page.
11:11 a.m.- 12:50p.m. Enjoy a nice conversation with Nat while the kids sleep in the back seat. Luke woke up as we were pulling into Crystal Lake and began to talk about his favorite Mr. Roger's episode, completely unsolicited.
1-3:15 p.m. Enjoy a wonderful baby shower with Traci and her family. It's kind of emotional to see Traci so pregnant and happy-- good emotional.
3:45 p.m. Arrive at my friend Stephanie's house to meet her darling 5 week old baby, Lily. She is sweet as can be and Stephanie and her husband Jim are absolutely radiant with the joy of new parenthood. We talk about old times and nurse our little ones together as we comment on all the times we schemed about raising babies together. More good emotions.
5:15 p.m. Swing by Grandma's Lucy's house to give her a hug and show off the babies a little bit. We talk about Marisha and how Sofi will turn one this week. I realize how much I miss my best friend and her baby. Mixed emotions-- I am glad to hug Lucy but sad that Marisha and her little one are not there for hugs.
6:00 p.m. Drive by the house where I spent my childhood on the way out of town. The house is almost unrecognizable as my childhood haunt. The street that used to be a dead end is no longer. The corn fields that I played in are now oversized McMansions. More emotions-- these ones aren't as good. I dream about this house a lot. There are a lot of emotions tied up in growing up here. I think a lot about my childhood as I am making decisions about Luke. We moved into this house when I was Luke's age. I make Nat drive by the house four times so that I can gape at the changes and try and process. The neighbor is outside and looking really suspicious, especially when I snap a picture of the house. I wonder if she is going to call the police. We drive away even though I am not satisfied with the picture I took of the house.
6:20- 7:45 p.m. We have a rocky start to the ride home. Luke needs to go to the bathroom. We stop at Culver's to use the facilities and Luke throws chewed up carrot at Nat when Nat tells him that it's Sunday and he can't have ice cream. I beat myself up a little bit about how we are disciplining him as I wipe the orange chunks from Nat's brow. (It's kind of cathartic to write about it-- I guess it's all a little funny). Nat and Luke go into the boys' bathroom and make their peace. I change Noah's diaper and into his jammies in the trunk of the car (this is our preferred changing spot because it blocks the wind) and then wonder if anyone saw me extract my child from the trunk and whether they will call DCFS. I go in and use the bathroom and we make another attempt at driving home. Noah fusses and fusses until we pull over. We pull over and then Noah pulls out his smile. We try again. He lasts about ten minutes and then starts in again. Nat turns down some side road and drives five minutes looking for someplace to pull in. We then turn around in what looks like a kennel's driveway and debate about whether or not this would be an appropriate place to nurse. We opt not to and end up parking by the side of the road. I pull Noah out and start to feed him. He eats for thirty seconds and then wants to stand on my lap and make eyes at me. Luke sees this and says, in his best whine, "I want to stand up too. I need to stretch too." We work out some agreement where he ends up being allowed to sit in the front seat while Nat gets Noah back in. We then get Luke back into his seat and buckled using some candy we discovered in his seat when he stood up. We drive away and I ask Nat what we are doing wrong.
7:50 both the boys fall asleep.
8-9:00 p.m. Nat and I have heart-to- heart for the peaceful drive home. I start to feel better as we talk through the things that I have been thinking about lately. I say another silent prayer thanking Heavenly Father for a perfect husband.
9:05 p.m. I transfer sleeping Luke from car seat to bed and then waste no time and run into my room to change into my pajamas (I can't remember the last time I spent this much of my day in real clothing). I check messages and find out that the Bishop called and wants me to call him back. I call and talk to his wife, who I love, and she gives me his cell number and asks me to call him on that.
9:10 p.m. I am informed by the Bishop that I will be released from my calling as Young Women's president on Sunday. He also extends me a new calling and I accept. He thanks me sincerely and I hang up-- totally reeling from all the emotion of the day. I wonder if I have done right by the Young Women and if I am ready to move on. I also feel a sense of relief as I realize all of the events that I will be able to cross off the calendar. I start to fantasize about "getting things done" around the house.
9:20 I start calling my peeps to try and figure out what to do with all this. I start with my mom, we have a good conversation. I hang up and realize that I need to call Emma and tell her that I love her and I am proud of where she is going in her life. She needed to hear that and we cry a little together and hang up. I end the phone calling with a call to my big sis. Emily is also thinking about some heavy issues, including why Jakob wears a fake bird in the pith helmet that he wears constantly and how Ian got to be obsessed with balls. We share concerns about our children like why doesn't Ian talk as much as his brother and sister did and where did he learn to love balls so much, where did Luke learn to tease girls, and why isn't Noah crawling already? We decide that these things have nothing to do with when we vaccinated our children (I had an anti-vaccination missionary approach me at the baby shower). We talk until she starts brushing her teeth and I start eating and we realize that the conversation is over. We say good night and hang up.
10:45 p.m. I try and get ready for bed and realize that I won't be able to sleep until I write a little about the day. I turn the computer back on and long onto the blog.
11:23 p.m. I look at the clock and feel a sense of dread as I anticipate another night of Noah's cough.
11:24 p.m. I decide that I have been wordy enough and that this will have to do. The whirling in my head has slowed significantly and I think that I will probably be able to fall asleep.
Good night, thanks for listening little blog.